Valentine's Day is for Saps

Aren't we lucky I'm a total sap.

That Evil "J" Word

                I like to think that I’m a sane, rational person. At least mostly so, but sometimes my green eye shows up and makes me do legitimately crazy things. I’d like to take a moment to consider the ridiculous things I say and do when I’m having a case of the jellies, and then blame them on monthly hormones. I’d also be a liar. As it turns out, I’m not nearly as secure in my relationships as I project myself to be. The mere mention of another girl’s name is enough to trigger the Kill Bill alarm. I am a jealous monster.

                I’m currently in a long-distance relationship, so it’s reasonable to assume we have a certain amount of trust between each other. It isn’t as if we were keeping our relationship a secret, but we had decided against becoming Facebook official. The moment one of his female friends posted a winky face on his wall I sent out a relationship request, effectively marking my territory. Friends do not post winky faces, and by no means do they tell each other what great friends they are! Facebook is terrible. This by far isn't the worst thing I’ve ever done in a fit of jealousy, but it was the most recent. At least I was passive-aggressive and didn’t cause a scene. Not that that’s particularly good either, but that’s a whole different ballpark.

                In attempt to overcome jealousy, it helps to understand why you’re jealous in the first place. One reason could be baggage from prior relationships. I have been the cheater as well as the cheatee, and I’m not proud of the former. I also remain friends with most of my exes, some of which I have been known to remain too friendly with for long after the relationship was over. I have quite the rap sheet. Well, what if he does, too? We seem to have found a root.

                Seriously, take a chill pill. Unless he’s given you a reason to believe he’s out chasing strange, he’s probably not. Take a couple deep breaths and think about it. It wouldn’t be that hard to break up. You’re still happy together. You’ll be alright. You can, however, feel free to hate the girl. Total bitch.

Music Brings Us Together

             For unknown reasons, I've been listening to a lot of sad instrumental music lately. Mostly I stick to the classics, like Mozart, Beethoven, and Chopin, but occasionally some surprising artists pop into my queue.

Zanarkand – Nobuo Uematsu

             I don’t know how many times I turned on Final Fantasy X and just let the startup video play through before playing the game. It always surprises me when video game composers can reach out to me in a way typical modern music(read as “shitty pop”) can’t even imagine to aspire to. After playing through the game, this piece became even more heart-wrenching.

Yin no Piano – Yoko Kanno

               This piece also has a strange source. I was watching Darker Than Black(please don’t judge me!) and this song was out of place for the show. It brought depth to an otherwise bland character, which I’m sure was the point, but still unexpected. I was much less taken aback when I realized the composer also did the score for many other shows, including Cowboy Bebop. I don’t think we take time to appreciate movie/TV scores nearly as much as we should.

Lady Grinning Soul – Lucia Micarelli

                It’s hard to imagine glam-rock moving anyone to pieces. Lucia Micarelli somehow manages to give me goosebumps every time I hear her rendition of this David Bowie classic. She borrows cues from new age ambient tones and neatly layers on a cautious violin. I could quite possibly listen to this song on repeat for hours on end.

River Flows in You – Lindsey Stirling

                This is another surprising song to me. The first time I heard of Lindsey Stirling was through Facebook. She did a Zelda Medley and throughout the entire video she was prancing around in a green tunic. She was talented, but I couldn’t possibly take her seriously. Even though she only performed this song by viewer request, it has changed my opinions about her.

Nothing Else Matters – David Garrett

                This song is beautiful in its original form, so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that it takes a tone of grandeur as an instrumental piece. It stays true to its ballad theme, but adds some lament and maybe a sense of foreboding. At least that’s how it feels to me.

Partying, partying, yeah...?

                You’re always warned that growing up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. They tell you about paying bills and holding jobs, but they never talk about the truly important stuff. What do you do when all your friends start settling down and having kids? Or how about running into creeps when you’re out and about? Let’s see if anyone can even find a job in their field, much less maintain it. Don’t even get me started on maintaining a relationship! There are plenty of things other than bills to remind you that you’re getting old.

First off, let’s start with your friends. Not the deadbeat ones that you love to bring as guests to places, but the ones you’ve known forever that know all your worst shenanigans. Obviously, they’re your friends. You can’t just write them off and call it good. It sucks. You aren’t the same people anymore. Maybe you still have the same friends, but you should never count on that to bring you closer. Your partying may be important to you(which is the only opinion that matters right now), but they have lives now. That could mean kids, or a partner they have to check in with before they go anywhere. They need to check their budget to make sure an outing is a secure move. All this checking things and finding sitters…man, high school was nice! What do you do about it? Obviously, we aren’t completely terrible people. You let them do their checking in and go out when you can. Maybe go see a movie or out to dinner, something they can bring the family along with. Or you could stay in. Have a board game night, those are still totally cool.

                You’ve run into a weird guy at the bar. You expressed your disinterest, but he keeps advancing. You’ve been polite, but it’s not helping. Well, that was your first mistake. Chances are this guy’s wasted. If you’re really rude and he gets belligerent, trust me, the bartender will blame the guy. Usually what actually happens is they get offended and storm off until they’ve forgotten you were being a bitch. Then they’re back and it’s the same routine. It was annoying when I first started barring(can “bar” be a verb?), but now I end up making a game out of it and seeing how many different ways I can blow the same guy off.

                While you should never quit looking for a job you enjoy, it’s okay to take one you aren’t interested in the meantime. I know we look at “flipping burgers” like it’s beneath us, but really is it worse than being unemployed and living with your parents? You can do both. You don’t have to be a lump on society’s couch while searching for your dream job. It may take some time, but it’ll be a more fun stretch if you have cash you can blow on silly things. Once you do find that amazing job you’ve been searching for, don’t cut ties poorly with the lame job. What happens when your dream job doesn’t pay the bills? It’s nice to have a backup to return to if you fall on your face.

                If you’re reading my blog, I do hope you’re a partier. Maintaining a relationship can be hard. I know I love getting free drinks, but it’s hard when that pesky significant other is around. I love him, but he seriously messes up my groove at the bar. If he’s with me, I have less fun. If I leave him behind, I must be cheating. There’s no winning. This comes out to another, “Let’s just stay in,” type of scenario. I swear board games are actually cool! Well, at least when they aren’t Monopoly and take three goddamn hours to play.

                All in all, being a grown-up and making your own decisions is awesome! You drink when you want, and you have friends over when you want. Really, you can do anything you want. It just helps when you know what your friends are wanting as well. For now, I’m demanding you have a board game night. Board games are cool!

Days When Thoughts Don't Come Out Smoothly

Long Distancing it Up

                There’s this guy you know, he’s cute and funny(and brilliant, nerdy, sweet, sexy, creative, and everything you ever wanted). You wonder why you’ve never noticed him before. You get to talking, you become friends, and you even find yourself going out of your way just to hear his thoughts about nothing. Obviously, there’s a connection, so you decide to date. Did I mention said guy is more than 2,000 miles away? There are some pretty great upsides to long distance dating. You know it’s not an infatuation based on lust because all you do is talk and really get to know the person. This is all fine and dandy, but what about physical contact? Can you really trust your partner?

                Let’s get started with the talking. All you do is talk. Technology is lovely and there are so many ways to get a hold of each other. Skype for a more intimate connection, Facebook for random thoughts that you’d really tell anyone, texting to make your day go better, and, of course, phone calls. Your emotional bond is fantastic. Your fights seem to resolve themselves(I mean, what are you going to do, not talk it out?). Every new thing you learn about them is wonderful. Even when it isn’t, you’re happy you know more about them. At the end of the day, that’s all it is though. Talk. Eventually, you may run out of things to say. Awkward silence, repetitive “So, whatcha doin’ now?” kind of banter. All this technology to help you keep in contact does exactly that. You don’t have time to go off and do something exciting without them knowing beforehand. No more surprises.

                Let’s move on to sex. As much fun as it is to sneak off and send out risqué photos of yourself in the middle of a party, it doesn’t beat out having a real living person right there with you. You may even toy around with phone-sex, sexting, cybersex, or whatever gets your rocks off. It’s still a very lonely existence. When you finally do see each other the passion is overwhelming. Until then, it’s hardly bearable.

                Monogamy is always a question in the back of your mind. Are they being faithful to you? This either puts a strain on your relationship or strengthens your trust. This is assuming you’ve talked it over and decided to be monogamous. Every time they hang out with their friends you secretly wonder if that’s actually what they’re doing. Of course, that’s probably a ridiculous thought. But what if it isn’t? It’s enough to drive you batty.

                If you really believe this person could be the figurative “one” you should give it a shot. They’re obviously committed to you, otherwise why would this even be an option? They obviously think you’re more amazing than anyone else less distantly challenging. Chances are you love each other. Chances are this is going to work. Now go tell them so!

A Case of the Blackouts

                Maybe not everyone has experience getting so ridiculously drunk that they can’t remember the shenanigans from the previous night. I have had this happen too many times to count, maybe I have a problem, but that isn’t what we’re addressing today. When this happens, what are you supposed to do? The first thing should be to figure out where you are. That’s also usually the easiest, as well. The next should be to figure out how you got there. Are you alone? Who were you with? Why where you with them? Then you may realize that you’re still drunk, or you may realize how awful you feel. This only further complicates matters. You’re already confused, but now you’re learning impaired as well. You should probably contemplate getting some assistance by this point.

                Your eyes open. You first look at your surroundings hoping to find something familiar. If you’re at home, this step is easy. Your own clothes and shoes strewn about wherever, maybe even some trash lying about. Whatever, it’s familiar. If you aren’t home, hopefully you’ve been there before. At this point you should look for somebody you know. Sometimes that explains everything. Other times, the person you’re with is a complete stranger, if there is anybody else there at all.

                After you’ve established a where, you should probably see if you’re dressed. Bonus points for pants! If you aren’t, well you should probably look for your clothes and figure out why you’re naked. Sometimes it could be something as innocent as spilling something on your clothes or walking in the rain. Maybe you had sex. This could be good, assuming you’ve found another person with you and they’re someone you would have sex with. If they aren’t, you should find some way to excuse yourself from the situation. May it be finding your way home, or making the other person leave.

                These steps may be taking far longer than you expect. Take your time standing up. Chances are if you don’t feel sick, you’re still drunk. Drunk or hung over, you should take some time to get your bearings. Getting up may make you dizzy. This explains your slow reactions. Do not be afraid to throw up. It very well could make a difference between the worst day of your life and just a day that started off slow. You did bring this on yourself, so don’t be expecting any sympathies, or excuses from your daily affairs. Just hope you didn’t have anything that needed to be done.

Whatever you do, do not take any pain killers. You may want to, you may feel like you’re dying, but your liver simply can’t handle anything else at this point. Maybe you should take this as a lesson for next time you feel like drinking. Maybe instead, drink some water and eat breakfast. You know your body could use a little sustenance.

At this point, you should realize that you have a problem. Despite what the media may tell you, there is no glory in addiction. I’m not saying to check yourself into the nearest rehabilitation center, nor am I telling you to join your local AA. I’m just telling you that maybe you should examine your life. Why are you drinking so much? Is this common amongst your friends? I know peer pressure does take its toll, but sometimes you should let your friends call you “a pussy.” There’s always another day, and I’ll cheers to that!