A Case of the Blackouts

                Maybe not everyone has experience getting so ridiculously drunk that they can’t remember the shenanigans from the previous night. I have had this happen too many times to count, maybe I have a problem, but that isn’t what we’re addressing today. When this happens, what are you supposed to do? The first thing should be to figure out where you are. That’s also usually the easiest, as well. The next should be to figure out how you got there. Are you alone? Who were you with? Why where you with them? Then you may realize that you’re still drunk, or you may realize how awful you feel. This only further complicates matters. You’re already confused, but now you’re learning impaired as well. You should probably contemplate getting some assistance by this point.

                Your eyes open. You first look at your surroundings hoping to find something familiar. If you’re at home, this step is easy. Your own clothes and shoes strewn about wherever, maybe even some trash lying about. Whatever, it’s familiar. If you aren’t home, hopefully you’ve been there before. At this point you should look for somebody you know. Sometimes that explains everything. Other times, the person you’re with is a complete stranger, if there is anybody else there at all.

                After you’ve established a where, you should probably see if you’re dressed. Bonus points for pants! If you aren’t, well you should probably look for your clothes and figure out why you’re naked. Sometimes it could be something as innocent as spilling something on your clothes or walking in the rain. Maybe you had sex. This could be good, assuming you’ve found another person with you and they’re someone you would have sex with. If they aren’t, you should find some way to excuse yourself from the situation. May it be finding your way home, or making the other person leave.

                These steps may be taking far longer than you expect. Take your time standing up. Chances are if you don’t feel sick, you’re still drunk. Drunk or hung over, you should take some time to get your bearings. Getting up may make you dizzy. This explains your slow reactions. Do not be afraid to throw up. It very well could make a difference between the worst day of your life and just a day that started off slow. You did bring this on yourself, so don’t be expecting any sympathies, or excuses from your daily affairs. Just hope you didn’t have anything that needed to be done.

Whatever you do, do not take any pain killers. You may want to, you may feel like you’re dying, but your liver simply can’t handle anything else at this point. Maybe you should take this as a lesson for next time you feel like drinking. Maybe instead, drink some water and eat breakfast. You know your body could use a little sustenance.

At this point, you should realize that you have a problem. Despite what the media may tell you, there is no glory in addiction. I’m not saying to check yourself into the nearest rehabilitation center, nor am I telling you to join your local AA. I’m just telling you that maybe you should examine your life. Why are you drinking so much? Is this common amongst your friends? I know peer pressure does take its toll, but sometimes you should let your friends call you “a pussy.” There’s always another day, and I’ll cheers to that!