This is what I told him. On Facebook. I want to die.
"What I have to say is a bit of a mouthful and I don't want to spam up your inbox with a billion texts. I figure that you're already not talking to me, so what's the worst you could do? Continue to not talk to me?
"It's been just shy of 2 years that we've been doing this dance. Of course, I have feelings. I am by definition insane. Every time I call things off with you, I secretly hope you'll protest. I'm let down every time. If I thought for even half a second that you might care, I would never even look at another guy. In all actuality, I'm breaking my own heart. You make my brain stupid and lead me into terrible decisions. I wish you were never born.
"That being said, I am irreparably in love with you. I don't need any proof of devotion or any such nonsense. All you would ever have to do is ask and I would be yours. Even if the choice was between you and a Charmander. Those evolve into Charizard, so it's kind of a big deal. You've found my weakness. No, I'm not talking about the sex, but you've never let me down there either. It is near impossible not to smile when I'm around you. I love that you get me. I'm sorry I'm irrational.
"The ball's in your court. I will stop fighting for the illusive '5 more minutes' if you wish it."
I get that my love letter is unconventional, but I'm proud of it. I'm not trying to be anyone I'm not. My devotion is clear. Really, it's a shame that he doesn't appreciate me. His response?
"I've always admired your honesty. I don't want a relationship with you. You're my best friend, without question, but I don't want to be more than that. I need to let you move on with your life. If ending our friendship means that I will never be the cause of your pain, I will support it one million percent."
So, when he texts me every day? I think about this. One of my friends still sees us getting married one day. I don't think so, but I currently love him all the same.
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