For the Benefit of Being Single 2

     Break ups are still hard. I'm still a neurotic whack-job. I feel like I'm a functional human this time around though. I'm not fucking everything with a penis. I'm not immersing myself in a pit of distractions. I'm not constantly wasted. Let me repeat: I'm not constantly wasted. Maybe the difference is that I recognized that I wasn't being treated well and I called it off. I found my self-respect. I hadn't even realized that I'd lost it.
     I'm not alone. Every person I know goes a little bit crazy post-relationship. Be it debilitating depression or otherwise unhealthy coping mechanisms, everyone does it. I know people that quit eating for weeks, or that got fired because they were too unstable to go to work. My alcoholism doesn't seem that bad by comparison. I still make all my shifts. I still find an appetite. Rather, I did when it was still fresh.
     I haven't had sex in three months.  It's not even for lack of opportunity. I just don't feel like meaningless sex. I don't really want a relationship either. I simply don't have any reason to get my freak on. I'm okay  with this. I'm happy. I know I've said that before, but I think I mean it this time. I've met cute and charming men. I've smiled politely and said I'm not interested. I hadn't really noticed until my friends pointed it out.
     I've always had this hyper-sexual, confident, opinionated persona. In the last month or so the facade has worn down. I'm still confident, I just don't need to be the center of attention anymore. I'm still funny, just a bit more reserved. I might even be more approachable now. Maybe. I'm not entirely sure. I'm not going out very often, and even when I am I'm with friends.
     I think I'm finally starting to grow up. I recognize that I'm still a bit crazy, but I'm not obsessive or self-destructive. I'm like a real person. It's not fantastic, but it's not not fantastic either. It's just life.