You're Doing It Wrong!

     I enjoy the person I am. Sometimes I lose sight of that. Guess what? I'm fucking back, and the extent of my scandalous behavior knows no bounds. I don't know exactly happened. That last idiot I was with made me want to be a good person. Boring! So, let's just take a step back and see where I screwed up.
     Monogamous relationships are boring. Shit, relationships in general are boring. Yeah, getting all snuggly with a movie is nice. Who says you can't do that with a one night stand? It's super-comfortable, and you can still kick them out in the morning.
     The thing about flings is the sex drive. I can't remember the last boyfriend I had that woke me up several times throughout the night to get it on. Not that it doesn't happen, it's just something about knowing there's an imminent end on the way sky rockets libido. Also, with the "just tonight" mentality, I've found guys are more adventurous.
     Picking up guys is an art. Okay, not really, but it should be. You have to be flirty enough where they think they have a chance, but not so slutty that they won't get you things. It also helps to act a little dumb. Honestly, the easiest way to pick someone up is with a wingman. Other guys make the best wingmen, especially when they're interested in you themselves. They unintentionally talk you up in front of everyone. Mind you, everyone can tell they've been friendzoned, except for them. That's really half the fun. So, that cute guy making eyes at you from the pool table? Go play pool. So what if you suck at pool and never plan on calling him. It's just a gesture. Plus, making plans to bang this guy and making sure the guy in the friendzone doesn't see you doing it is...well, it's terribly thrilling.
     As for that stupid face I was seeing, it occurred to me that I can still be a good person and see other people. Hell, I could continue seeing him and it still wouldn't matter. Sex doesn't define you. I could take home a different guy every other day and no one would bat an eye.
     All in all, I'm just trying to say it's my god damned personal life. I like fucking. I like my decisions. If you don't, fuck you. You've got your own life to make miserable with your high morality.