The Internet is for Porn

                I don’t demand too much from the porn industry. Dicks into orifices, not that hard, right? I don’t know how many times I’ve watched porn and just been turned off. Grooming is important to regular people. You’d think the standards would be higher on camera. Also, I understand it’s just porn, but even so I like a little better acting then what I’m usually stuck with. Then we have bizarre habits. I just can’t get into it sometimes.

                Maybe it’s because I’m a cosmetologist, but I like people to be well-groomed. I’m not that picky, I can deal with a little hair on their genitals. I’m complaining about excessive chest hair, butt pimples, messy hair(pre-coitus), and shitty makeup(also pre-coitus). There are other things, but they aren’t nearly as prevalent. Maybe it’s a fetish thing that I don’t get, but patchy hair sporadically placed around the body just isn’t something I’m into. About the butt pimples: I understand that sometimes they happen and it’s a sweaty job, so it’s forgivable on occasion. Every film though? Get some Proactive for your shit! The hair and makeup…now that’s just pure laziness. I know it’s going to get messed up in a second, but just brushing the hair isn’t that hard. I’d also rather see no makeup than mascara streaks. Also, waterproof makeup isn’t that much more expensive than standard makeup. I like to think this is common knowledge.

                Fake moans are the worst. I assume most of it is fake, but there comes a point where taking off panties just doesn’t justify the noise production. If it was just talking dirty, it’d be alright, but I’m hearing full-on orgasms. What the fuck? Maybe it’s just an Asian thing, but the almost dolphin noises for every touch is excessive. We get it, you’re into it. Maybe less so would be amazing.

                It’s sex. If I wanted sweet, romance bullshit, I’d watch a chick flick. I don’t want to hear your sweet nothings and how much you love each other. I already get too much of that in my own relationships. I don’t need giggling and staring into each other’s eyes. I want to see passion. Flings always seem to be far more intense than long-terms. There’s this air of lust about it and it’s far more enjoyable to watch. There are exceptions, for example the first time a couple is together. I want to see more of that.

                Smoking is a nasty habit on its own. The last thing I want to see in my porn is the actors/actresses light up in the middle of a scene. In between? Sure. Otherwise it distracts from the focus. It’s not something I see very often, but every time it’s a huge turn-off. All of a sudden the star has to pay attention to this superfluous prop. Now I’m staring at a bored performer and thinking, “Well, they’ve got the right idea.” I need a cigarette, too. Maybe that’s the point? I hate marketing.

                I have other complaints, but I don’t need to go on for days. The basics have been covered and I’m sick of watching porn.