I'm an online dater. At least, I was. At this point, I mostly use my accounts to troll men or to use as a soapbox when I'm on rampage. Guys will at least pretend to listen when they want to mash junk and whatnot. I know online dating works for some people, it just hasn't for me. Maybe I'm too picky. Can one even be too picky online? Anyways, I have some complaints. What else is new?
I suppose I'll start off with the easy shots. You're talking to some guy, you're even hitting it off. You decide to exchange numbers. Boom! Dick pic. Seriously? If I gave you my snapchat info, I'd get it. Kind of. But my phone number? I thought I had gotten away from this by switching to sites where I can't send pics. Nope. We've just created a new breed of cock shot offenders. Is there something gratifying about sending unwarranted viewings of your shlong? I mean, why go through the time and energy of actual conversation just to surprise me with your penis at first opportunity? Color. Me. Baffled.
They are dating websites, right? If I wanted a random hook-up, I could easily saunter down to the nearest bar(trust me, there are a few) and jimmy my way into some dude's pants. That being said, I hate getting messages asking for sex. You could argue that at least they're being honest and just skipping the pretext facade thing. You could argue that I could just check their profile and see if I want to do it as well. I've totally slept with men with less information. It's just too bad that I like the pretext facade thing. Put some thought into it. I'm not so naive that I'm going to be talking to guys that I can't see having crazy monkey sex with at some point. I like sex, they like sex(hopefully), and I assume if we hit it off it will happen. I just like a bit of metaphor-play.
My biggest beef with online dating is laziness: scripted messages that you get over and over, single word messages, when checking their profile it's clear that they only looked at your picture, and it's really just awful. You know, I'm pretty chill for the most part. I'll blow off messages, it's easier than turning guys down individually. I used to, but they usually argued with me and tried to convince me otherwise, so I've quit. Usually that's fine. Some guys will send a second, I'm okay with that as well. After the third, he's just talking to himself really. Then I start getting irritated. I'll respond politely at first so they know that I did see their messages, and that I just have no interest. One pick up line later and I've grabbed my megaphone and it's up to full blast. I may have lied a second ago; I love it when it gets to this point. They actually get really offended and start calling me names. As it turns out, I love banter. It's not going to get them anywhere, but I enjoy it never the less. Getting mad over it would be like playing Call of Duty and being offended over some kid calling me a faggot. It's just expected.
Speaking of being offended: Guys, don't sheepishly tell me how you aren't an online dater. Obviously, you and I both are. The fact that you're embarrassed says wonders about me. I get that you might be socially awkward or whatever. By telling me you "never do this," you're really just ostracizing me. I'm not about to lie to my friends about how we met, and I sure as hell won't let you shame me over it.
All in all, I think the main reason I can't seem to met someone online is because of choice. You'd think that choice would bring more opportunity, but really it makes everything worse. The options are basically limitless, so I keep getting choosier. With this mindset the grass can always be greener.
Oh hey, look! I got a message!
